Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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