No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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