____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
