She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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