All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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