i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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