As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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