Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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