she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
