i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
