i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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