puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
