Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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