i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
