Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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