come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
