Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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