OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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