Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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