If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
