I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
