you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
be right there i have to get my cape
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
