I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
