i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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