im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish I only lived at night.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was like getting head from an anaconda
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
