Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
