obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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