i barfeds in our rink
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
