she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
