well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
