theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
