So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
