sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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