I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
