I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
