I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
