I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he fucked my hip out of place.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
