and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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