ya dads aren't the best wingmen
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
