is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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