I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
