you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
