Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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