You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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