she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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