apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize