Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize