Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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