Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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