I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
