woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
