If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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