I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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