Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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