By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
