ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
