He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"