So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
pop tarts are not kleenex
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.