Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?