im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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