May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
