Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
