At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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