I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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