pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
someone owes me an orgasm
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
