Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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