Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
