You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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