i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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