i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
