he told me I talked like a deaf person
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
