i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
