i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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