How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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